Small steps don't always make our lives better
How small steps can take us in the wrong direction and what we can do about it
Starting small can be a great strategy for shaping the lives we want to live.
You can read more about how this works here.
Despite its utility in bringing positive change into our lives, starting small can also pave the way for negative change to enter our lives.
After all, small steps can help us build new habits, and many of us gradually develop habits we wish we hadn’t.
In this post, we’ll explore how big problems often start small and what you can do about it.
First, we’ll discuss how an occasional indulgence of mine spiraled into a full-blown addiction.
Then, we’ll cover what you can do to keep this kind of gradual negative change from sneaking its way into your life.
From occasional indulgence to addiction
During the latter years of high school and throughout college, I was an occasional dipper.
For context, dipping is placing finely cut or chopped dipping tobacco (dip) between one’s lips and gums—typically at the front, lower jaw.
Dipping is more of a southern/rural thing, and many think it’s gross.
It can also draw unwanted attention, put a dent in one’s wallet, and cause cancer.
That all being said, dipping can provide a killer nicotine buzz.
For this reason, it’s often used (at least initially) to make long drives, boring work, or focused tasks much easier.
Some might even acquire a taste for it.
Now, when I say I was an occasional dipper, what I mean is that I generally only dip in specific situations.
At most, I’d do it a couple times a week, but generally, I would only do it a couple times a month at most.
For example, I’d usually dip when mowing the lawn, watching a baseball or football game, or sitting by a campfire.
I might use it when studying on occasion, but I’d generally only enjoy it with outdoor activities.
I never dipped enough to become addicted or develop cravings.
There may be times when I’d dip daily for a week or so.
However, that might be followed by several months without any dip at all
Once I graduated from Virginia Tech in 2009, that all changed—quickly.
After graduation, I moved to Arizona to work as a research engineer for a copper and cobalt mining company.
I had studied Mechanical Engineering, but I’d interned with the company a few times, and they chose to bring me on full-time.
During my first year, I rotated through different positions and locations to get a broader feel for the company’s operations.
One of the first rotations when I arrived was at a metallurgy lab in Morenci, AZ.
Our main goal was to find better ways to extract our target minerals from the ground.
Specifically, I was tasked with assisting a research technician in conducting experiments at the direction of a lead engineer.
These experiments involved preparing small samples of crushed and ground rock and exposing them to various processing techniques.
The goal was to find out which grinding, crushing, and processing methods led to the greatest copper extraction.
This didn’t involve much, if any, technical work, but it did require sustained focus.
The lab technician I worked with was named Richard.
It just so happens that Richard was a dipper.
Unlike me, though, Richard dipped pretty much non-stop throughout the day.
He’d keep a can in his back pocket and throw in several lips of dip over the course of a shift.
One thing about dippers is they’re often very generous.
Richard was no exception.
He was quick to offer me a dip, and I didn’t hesitate to oblige.
After a few days, perhaps a week or so, of bumming off Richard, I started bringing my own can to the lab.
At first, this simply meant dipping more at work.
Then, I was dipping on the hour-long drives to work—a gorgeous drive through the eastern Arizona countryside—and back.
I was, of course, dipping on the weekends as well.
The realization I was hooked and the struggle to quit
One day, I noticed that I bought a can on my way to work and then again on my way home.
I immediately noticed this and said to myself, “I don’t think you’re just an occasional dipper anymore, dude.”
In fact, those days had been long gone.
I was simply a dipper—nothing occasional about it.
After realizing that I was addicted, I set out to quit.
Much like the example of getting back into working out, I shared in my last post, this proved to be quite a struggle.
First, I tried quitting cold turkey.
After a few attempts with this strategy didn’t work, I turned to nicotine lozenges.
This was much more effective than quitting cold turkey, but I’d still turn back to tobacco every now and then.
I still enjoyed a dip or a chew (another form of smokeless tobacco) occasionally, sometimes for weeks at a time, but I always had lozenges to help get me back on track.
After a few years of jumping between dip, chew, and various lozenges and tobacco-free pouches, I can now say it’s been several years since I’ve had any tobacco product.
That said, I do still find the nicotine pouches enjoyable from time to time.
Because they lack tobacco, I don’t feel the same urgency to quit them for good as I did with dip or chew.
That’s a subject for a different story, though.
I’m sharing this with you as an example of how small steps aren’t only helpful for initiating positive behavior change.
They’re also effective for initiating negative behavior change.
I didn’t go straight from never dipping at all to crushing a can a day.
It started with a pinch here, a pinch there, building up over time until I was hooked.
Now let’s talk about how we can keep this kind of gradual spiral from transpiring.
Defining positive and negative behavior change
First, I’d like to clarify what I mean when I say “positive” or “negative” in the context of behavior change.
I’m not trying to offer a value judgment or morality lesson.
Rather, I use these terms in reference to whether a behavior aligns with who one wants to be or the life one wants to live.
It might also refer to behaviors that contribute to or detract from living one’s best life.
A positive behavior change would be one that moves us closer to who we want to be.
In contrast, a negative behavior change would be one that moves us further away from who we want to be.
One small step in either direction may not matter so much.
Several small steps, however, can add up.
Those occasional dips throughout high school and college paved the way for a full-blown addiction.
This process often happens right under our noses.
We don’t notice anything going on until our lives are significantly different from they were before.
There are a few ways we can keep this happening in ways we don’t want.
To keep things simple, we’ll focus on a few of my favorite strategies.
First, we’ll cover the major steps involved, and then we’ll explore them each in a bit more detail.
We’ll focus on being vigilant against small steps initiating negative behavior change.
This starts with self-awareness.
The power of self-awareness
We generally just go about our days, acting on autopilot.
The vast majority of what we do isn’t directed by conscious thought, after all.
We lack direction.
One way to find direction is to determine what course we want our lives to take.
Since much of this is outside our control, our efforts will be most effective when focused on what’s within our control—ourselves.
You can start this process by asking yourself who you want to be.
What characteristics does the “ideal you” have?
How do they behave?
Which values do they prioritize?
You can also ask yourself what kind of life you want to live.
What does your ideal life look like?
How do you want to spend your time?
What do you value most in life?
Asking yourself these questions will likely be an iterative process.
You may have to revisit them frequently as your goals, wants, and needs change.
This happens, and there’s no need to fight it.
Just guide the process.
It’s okay to change your mind.
This is often a sign of growth.
Pursue alignment
Now that you’re keeping an eye on your values, keep an eye on how your thoughts, words, and actions align with those.
For example, I value independence, financial responsibility, and personal health.
Being addicted didn’t align with my idea of independence.
Spending money on dip every day didn’t align with my idea of financial responsibility.
The potential adverse health effects of smokeless tobacco didn’t align with my idea of personal health.
Of course, for some people, the pleasure of the nicotine buzz might be more important than independence, financial responsibility, and personal health.
They might simply enjoy it that much or not value those characteristics as much as I do.
That’s totally fine!
Any decision any of us makes is totally up to us, based on our personal priorities.
For me, the benefits of dipping weren’t worth the detriments.
It didn’t align with who I wanted to be—even as an occasional indulgence.
Sure, some people might be able to occasionally indulge in something that doesn’t completely align with their ideal self.
In fact, “less-than-perfect” indulgence may even be a factor in their ideal self.
That’s not me—at least not with tobacco products.
If I want a nicotine buzz, I’ll grab a tobacco-free pouch or something.
The point is that when we identify thoughts, words, or behaviors that don’t align with our values, we can then take steps to keep them from becoming prominent features in our lives.
Practicing this kind of self-awareness doesn’t always come naturally.
Many of us struggle to take back the reins after operating on autopilot.
Let’s explore some strategies that might make it easier.
Tools for establishing self-awareness
One of my favorite tools for practicing self-awareness is mindfulness meditation.
There are countless methods for mindfulness meditation.
However, they nearly all involve setting aside time and space to quietly observe one’s own experience.
This might be paying attention to bodily sensations, thoughts, feelings, or all the above.
We don’t need to get into the nitty-gritty of all that, though.
An easy way to start is to set a timer for one minute, sit comfortably in silence, and do nothing but pay attention to your breath.
As thoughts arise, simply notice them.
The idea isn’t to judge them, ignore them, or pursue them.
Rather, the idea is simply to note them.
With enough practice, this skill can carry over into those times when we’re not sitting in silence.
It can also carry over from thoughts to words and actions.
As we become more proficient in observing our thoughts, words, and actions, we can reflect on what we observe.
We can then ask ourselves how our observations line up with who we want to be.
Then, we’re in a much better position to pump the brakes on those small steps that might be moving us in a direction we don’t want to go.
Don’t beat yourself up when this happens.
Be patient with yourself
It’s essential that we do this with self-compassion and kindness.
If you see yourself doing something you wish you weren’t, that’s okay.
We’ll all take steps backward at times—many of them.
When this happens, simply note it, then take action to stop it (if you’d like).
Like much of what we’ve covered, this might not be easy, but it’s not impossible, either.
For example, I no longer have even a single dip.
Sure, in high school and college, I could get away with throwing in a lip here and there.
I’ve since learned, however, that if I do so now, I struggle to keep it an occasional thing.
Too many times, “just one dip” turns into much more.
The extent of your vigilance and self-restraint is up to you.
It may vary from one indulgence or habit to another.
You might need to experiment a bit to find the perfect balance for yourself.
Also, this process can be extremely challenging, especially for those of us who have unresolved mental or emotional issues.
If that’s the case, you might benefit from working with a counselor, therapist, or other qualified professional.
We all need help from time to time, and it doesn’t make any of us less human.
Get help if you need it and it’s within your means.
There’s no shame in that.
What to do with all this
Let’s do a quick recap and then wrap this up.
Small steps can be a powerful tool for initiating positive behavior change.
However, they can just as easily pave the way for negative behavior change.
Get an idea of who you want to be and the life you want to live.
Cultivate the self-awareness necessary to see how your thoughts, words, and actions align with your ideal self and ideal life.
If you find yourself doing something that doesn’t align with who you want to be, note it and make an effort to keep it from happening in the future.
Set up rules or guardrails to keep yourself on track.
Do this all with self-love and kindness.
Don’t beat yourself up when you struggle.
Get professional help if you need it.
This process may take effort, time, and patience.
It’s worth it, though.
You’re worth it.