The dilemma and value of taking big steps
When and how you might want (or not) to make major lifestyle changes
Recently, we’ve been discussing the value of taking small steps when forming new habits.
Taking small steps is also a useful strategy for letting go of old habits.
There are times, however, when taking big steps has its value, too.
In this post, we’ll explore that value of making major, abrupt changes to our lifestyles.
First, we’ll cover a few of the disadvantages of making big lifestyle changes.
We’ll then talk about a few scenarios in which doing so might be preferable.
Finally, we’ll wrap up with a few things to keep in mind when taking big steps.
Big changes can create big resistance
One of the first disadvantages of taking big steps presents itself before we even take one.
The anticipation of major change alone can keep us from ever getting started.
It’s easy to get excited about the prospect of a better life.
Many of us get so excited that we immediately start making big plans.
We imagine complete lifestyle overhauls—we want to go big.
While we might have the best intentions, this “go big” mindset often backfires.
The idea of making big changes, even when we’re excited about it, might keep us from ever getting started.
We might not know where to start, whether we’ll succeed, or exactly what to do.
All that uncertainty can be intimidating.
We get so caught up in planning, researching, and mentally preparing ourselves that we never actually do anything.
It’s often more manageable to start small and then make adjustments from there.
Sure, small steps aren’t as exciting as big ones.
Those small changes, though, can really add up over time.
Difficulty maintaining our efforts
Getting started isn’t the only time when taking big steps has its disadvantages.
Even if we manage to get started, problems can arise further down the road.
When we first begin working toward a goal, we often have extra drive to work hard.
We often use that extra motivation to make big changes.
If we start we start seeing results, we may even get a little motivation boost.
These feelings of motivation, though, even when bolstered by steady progress, rarely last.
All that quick progress often slows eventually, too—sometimes to a stop.
When the motivation and progress wane is when we learn just how sustainable our efforts are.
We start to see more clearly how they fit within the context of the rest of our lives.
It’s not uncommon to find they don’t fit so well.
We’re then in a catch-22.
If we dial things back, we may start to lose some of the progress we’ve made.
Even if we want to make adjustments, we may not know how to adjust them to keep moving forward.
Facing this dilemma, many of us don’t just dial things back.
We quit them altogether.
This is especially common among those of us with a tendency to adopt an “all or nothing” mindset.
A classic example of this pattern is starting a new exercise routine as part of a New Year’s resolution.
We’re in the gym consistently at first, hitting it hard.
Within a few months, though, all that New Year’s motivation falls to the wayside.
We realize we’ve bitten off more than we can chew.
Rather than dial back our efforts a bit, many of us just give up.
Within no time, we’re right back to where we started, doing nothing at all.
Finding our limit (and sweet spot)
While feeling like we’re doing too much can be discouraging, we can also use it to our advantage.
Taking big steps is a great way to find out what we’re not willing to do to see results.
With a little foresight and tolerance for discomfort, we can use this
Now that we know what we’re not willing to do, we can scale things back to something that we are willing to do.
There are a few key mindset shifts we can adopt to help with this process so that we don’t simply quit.
We can remind ourselves that something is generally better than nothing, even if it’s not as effective as everything.
Sure, we might not see the same kind of progress (if we were seeing any), but that’s life.
It’s full of trade-offs.
Accepting that trade-off can help us find the balance of effort and progress that works best for us.
You might think of that point of balance as your sweet spot.
We’ve each got our own sweet spot, and it may take some experimentation to find.
Of course, we can also find that sweet spot with small steps.
It may just take us a bit longer to do so.
Neither strategy is going to work for everybody.
Consider taking some time to figure out which strategy is best for you.
Taking big steps along with other significant changes
Sometimes, the kind of changes we’re looking for only come with big steps.
This is often the case when moving to a new city, starting a new job, or starting a family.
These might not sound like good situations in which to make other big changes.
For some of us, however, they might be a perfect time.
Our new circumstances likely require us to make changes elsewhere in our lives anyway.
Let’s consider the example of moving to a new city.
After a move, you’re likely navigating new driving routes, stores and shops, and relationships.
All that change might help (or force) you to adopt a mindset more accepting of change in general.
You might take this as an opportunity to quit smoking, start going to the gym, or dial in that diet.
Sure, you could also make these changes with small steps once life slows down a bit.
However, dealing with all that existing change might make additional big steps more feasible.
That said, dealing with all that existing change might also be a reason not to take such big steps.
Old habits and routines might help keep you grounded during an otherwise challenging time.
They might provide much-needed comfort.
After all, relocations, career moves, and other significant life changes can be tremendously stressful.
For some of us, throwing another major change into the mix might do more harm than good.
This is up to you to decide for yourself.
Your preference might vary from one situation and one habit to another.
Taking a big step might be our only option
Some changes simply can’t be made in small steps.
Take one of our previous examples: moving to a new city.
Sure, we might be able to dip our toes in the water with visits or vacations.
We don’t always have the resources to do so, however.
Similarly, it’s not always feasible to test out a new job.
There may be ways to get an idea of what a new gig might be like—internships or part-time work, for example.
We often won’t know, though, what doing it all day, every day, will be like without taking the plunge.
Managing food allergies or intolerance is another example.
A common strategy for managing such conditions is eliminating potentially problematic foods from one’s diet.
Gradually cutting back on the potentially problematic foods may not bring any improvement in symptoms whatsoever.
This is especially the case if there are multiple foods driving one’s symptoms.
In situations such as these, taking big leaps is the most effective way to go.
This is why elimination diets often have periods of complete abstinence from multiple foods.
After the elimination period, the target foods are reintroduced, one at a time, to see whether the symptoms come back.
This might not be possible with a gradual approach.
In cases such as these, taking a big step might be the only way to see if a change works for us.
The downside to this approach is that taking such big steps often involves a leap of faith.
There’s a chance we might fail.
Understanding and accepting that risk is crucial.
Have a plan for how you might manage—practically, mentally, and emotionally—a less-than-ideal outcome.
If you find yourself having made a change you wish you hadn’t, don’t beat yourself up.
If it’s something you can fix, fix it.
If it’s not, manage the situation the best you can and move forward.
Beating yourself up won’t present any additional options.
Extraordinary motivation
Sometimes, we learn or realize something that gives us extraordinary motivation to change.
For example, if we find out that we have lung cancer, we might have no problem quitting smoking cold turkey.
Even the news of a loved one’s diagnosis might provide the extra spark we need to drop the habit.
Another (more positive) example is learning you’re going to have a kid.
Realizing you’re starting a family might drive major change in myriad ways.
Making the necessary changes to prepare might come more easily, knowing what’s at stake.
Whether receiving negative news or positive news, new information changes our circumstances.
When our circumstances change, our motivations often change, too.
This new motivation might make taking big steps more appropriate or attractive than taking small steps.
Personal preference
Finally, some of us simply enjoy making radical life changes.
Many of us enjoy the thrill of novelty or spontaneity.
We might find the idea of significant life transformation exciting.
Others of us might be freaked out by such major transitions.
We might find comfort in our routine and prefer not to rock the boat too much when changing course.
One example would be that of the difference between moderators and abstainers.
These are two terms popularized by author, speaker, and podcaster Gretchen Ruben.
She describes abstainers as those who have an easier time completely giving something up than indulging in it in moderation.
They might feel more comfortable setting clear, “black and white” boundaries or rules.
Moderators are those who have an easier time allowing for occasional indulgences.
They might find boundaries or rules overly restrictive, rigid, or unsustainable.
The contrast between the two is often seen in how different people approach foods they realize they often overeat.
Some are more successful eating “everything in moderation,” while others prefer completely cutting such foods out of their diet.
Both approaches work for some people, but neither approach works for everybody.
There are countless other ways our personal preferences affect our tolerances for taking big steps.
Our preferences may even change from one situation to another.
I, for example, generally enjoy experimenting with more extreme changes.
Moreover, I like having clear boundaries.
That may be the abstainer in me coming through.
Sometimes, though, I prefer to take things more slowly.
Take my recent decision to start working out again, for example.
I found that gradually ramping up would be more suitable because I was struggling to get started.
Keep an eye on your own tolerance for change and, perhaps more importantly, how your chosen approach is working for you.
Consider how it might vary from one situation to another.
Choose the approach that seems most suitable for you.
Conclusion
Neither small steps nor big steps will be most appropriate for everyone in every situation.
It’s up to you to decide how aggressively you want to pursue life changes.
You might not be able to figure that out without a little self-experimentation.
You might not always make the right decision, either.
There will be times when you make changes that you wish you hadn’t.
Don’t beat yourself up.
The changes you’ve made may or may not be reversible.
If you’re regretting your efforts, do whatever you can to manage the situation and get on with your life.
It’s the only one you’ve got.
Make it awesome.
That starts with how you treat yourself.
Treat yourself with love.